Chapter 1 part 2

I might have known all the time
Just closed my eyes
Let you go about your crime
Feeding me your lies

I let myself be blind
Forgave your hurtful moves
Let you abuse my mind
I guess all this just proves

We were infected from the start
There was nothing else to do but part
Ways
Days
Of tears
Of fears

This time it really is goodbye
What you did made our love die

A closed chapter and a scarred heart
But I'm ready to start

Over

Chapter 1

Your every action determines the rate of my heart

Your every move sticks in my brain like a chart

The words you say, the looks you give, analyzed in every way

The endless possibilities make my world a blur of grey

How am I supposed to trust

When I've been torn apart

How do I separate love from lust

Where would I even start

I want to believe what you say is true

But the memories remain

Wondering if you're still that you

Is making me insane

I know most doubt lies within

The damaged parts of me

Still I don't know how to begin

Repairing what I don't see

Soon this will fade, it always does

But what am I left with then

The knowledge that whatever this was

Will come back to haunt me again

Pain personified

Pain personified, it's what I see when the mirror stares back
Hurting inside, forcing it out not letting it show
You ask me what you've done wrong
I ask you what makes you think it's your fault

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
Now it's back
Haunting, killing

What has become of the me you knew
Wouldn't we all like to know
I'm fighting my way back
I'm trying to push through

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
A peace of mind and soul?
A piece, a place in my hellish sinkhole

Up at night, hearing you breathe
The chaos never settles in me
I feel I'm lost, wonder if I'll ever be found
Will you put up with it, or will you leave

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
Now I'm waiting for happiness in a pill
And have hopes of finding me in there too

Nothing can soothe anymore
No slowly healing wounds, no scars from before
Something has been lost, is gone, soon forgotten
I don't know what there's left to fight for

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
I wish for a future
But I'm clouded by my past

I was never set free
The pain resided within
I feel like there's no answers
Just me, tearing apart my skin

I was never set free
I'm still trapped
I keep on falling away
This isn't me

ten thousand thoughts

Ten thousand thoughts spinning in my head
One of 'em is still wishing I was dead
This pain, this pressure is driving me insane
This life, this laughter, is it all in vain?

One single thought pounding in my head
You leaving me, it's the worst thing I dread
Life without you is nothing at all
Me without you will only result in a fall

All these emotions exploding within
All these tears dripping off my chin
All these words to show you what's inside
All this fear, that makes me wanna hide

One stupid question nagging at my brain
Leads to a thought, the first in a chain
Of destructive shit I can't seem to shut out
It's killing me slowly, of that there's no doubt

A million answers, but to what?
A million stories with the same plot
A million roads, where do I start?
A million beats in my shattered heart

Screams and terror fill my dreams
Real life is still filled with schemes
Pleasure and pain make the world go 'round
But you just shut up, don't make a sound

Ten thousand thoughts spinning in my head
One of 'em wondering what the hell I've just said

as you kill me

I'm falling
Faster
I'm crawling
Slower
I'm begging
More
I'm crying
Harder
I'm dying
Over
...and over again

I'm writing this and you have no idea
How it feels as you kill me

this feeling

Oh, tell me why, you make me feel like I do
Oh, who made you the ruler of my heart?
Is this love that I feel for you?
And would you pinpoint it's start?

I'd shout it out from rooftops around
I'd shout it out, but can't make a sound

It's hard not knowing what goes on inside your head
Every wrong turn we take has left me for dead
The angst within pulling me under
Leaving me sleepless at night as I wonder

Will you ever feel like I do
Or do you already
Am I meant for you
I can't seem to keep steady

You've rocked my world
Turned and twisted
Spun and twirled
This feeling... I've missed it.

fall

the days of confusion have started messing with my mind
settling in my head, making my screams silent once again
overanalyzing anything in my way
killing whatever's beautiful, I live to slay
waiting in vain for the impossible
longing for a touch that doesn't exist
hoping reality is what I dream
waking to the torture of just being me
the days of confusion are here again
tormenting every heartbeat
suffocating every breath
falling every second
silencing every cry
...vanished.