Chapter 1 part 2

I might have known all the time
Just closed my eyes
Let you go about your crime
Feeding me your lies

I let myself be blind
Forgave your hurtful moves
Let you abuse my mind
I guess all this just proves

We were infected from the start
There was nothing else to do but part
Ways
Days
Of tears
Of fears

This time it really is goodbye
What you did made our love die

A closed chapter and a scarred heart
But I'm ready to start

Over

Chapter 1

Your every action determines the rate of my heart

Your every move sticks in my brain like a chart

The words you say, the looks you give, analyzed in every way

The endless possibilities make my world a blur of grey

How am I supposed to trust

When I've been torn apart

How do I separate love from lust

Where would I even start

I want to believe what you say is true

But the memories remain

Wondering if you're still that you

Is making me insane

I know most doubt lies within

The damaged parts of me

Still I don't know how to begin

Repairing what I don't see

Soon this will fade, it always does

But what am I left with then

The knowledge that whatever this was

Will come back to haunt me again

Pain personified

Pain personified, it's what I see when the mirror stares back
Hurting inside, forcing it out not letting it show
You ask me what you've done wrong
I ask you what makes you think it's your fault

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
Now it's back
Haunting, killing

What has become of the me you knew
Wouldn't we all like to know
I'm fighting my way back
I'm trying to push through

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
A peace of mind and soul?
A piece, a place in my hellish sinkhole

Up at night, hearing you breathe
The chaos never settles in me
I feel I'm lost, wonder if I'll ever be found
Will you put up with it, or will you leave

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
Now I'm waiting for happiness in a pill
And have hopes of finding me in there too

Nothing can soothe anymore
No slowly healing wounds, no scars from before
Something has been lost, is gone, soon forgotten
I don't know what there's left to fight for

I was never set free
It was all just hidden
I wish for a future
But I'm clouded by my past

I was never set free
The pain resided within
I feel like there's no answers
Just me, tearing apart my skin

I was never set free
I'm still trapped
I keep on falling away
This isn't me

ten thousand thoughts

Ten thousand thoughts spinning in my head
One of 'em is still wishing I was dead
This pain, this pressure is driving me insane
This life, this laughter, is it all in vain?

One single thought pounding in my head
You leaving me, it's the worst thing I dread
Life without you is nothing at all
Me without you will only result in a fall

All these emotions exploding within
All these tears dripping off my chin
All these words to show you what's inside
All this fear, that makes me wanna hide

One stupid question nagging at my brain
Leads to a thought, the first in a chain
Of destructive shit I can't seem to shut out
It's killing me slowly, of that there's no doubt

A million answers, but to what?
A million stories with the same plot
A million roads, where do I start?
A million beats in my shattered heart

Screams and terror fill my dreams
Real life is still filled with schemes
Pleasure and pain make the world go 'round
But you just shut up, don't make a sound

Ten thousand thoughts spinning in my head
One of 'em wondering what the hell I've just said

as you kill me

I'm falling
Faster
I'm crawling
Slower
I'm begging
More
I'm crying
Harder
I'm dying
Over
...and over again

I'm writing this and you have no idea
How it feels as you kill me

this feeling

Oh, tell me why, you make me feel like I do
Oh, who made you the ruler of my heart?
Is this love that I feel for you?
And would you pinpoint it's start?

I'd shout it out from rooftops around
I'd shout it out, but can't make a sound

It's hard not knowing what goes on inside your head
Every wrong turn we take has left me for dead
The angst within pulling me under
Leaving me sleepless at night as I wonder

Will you ever feel like I do
Or do you already
Am I meant for you
I can't seem to keep steady

You've rocked my world
Turned and twisted
Spun and twirled
This feeling... I've missed it.

fall

the days of confusion have started messing with my mind
settling in my head, making my screams silent once again
overanalyzing anything in my way
killing whatever's beautiful, I live to slay
waiting in vain for the impossible
longing for a touch that doesn't exist
hoping reality is what I dream
waking to the torture of just being me
the days of confusion are here again
tormenting every heartbeat
suffocating every breath
falling every second
silencing every cry
...vanished.

balance

What was once written as truth might be a lie as times pass

What was once a time of lies might be the truth of what is now

Now might be different from what you thought before

But nothing will ever change if you don't start from within

Inside might be fighting its way out

While the outside fights to protect the core of you

Don't expose yourself to the light too soon

But don't dwell and rot in darkness

Don't stand still and let life pass you by

Don't rush through life to get ahead

Knowing too much may harm you at first

Knowing too little will harm your future

Don't you dare fall, you'll be seen as weak

Don't ever ask for help, you'll be seen as weak

Let yourself fall, to fail is to learn

Let yourself get helped, to reach is to receive

...Balance.

within a minute

I want to get away
Being stuck in everyday routines isn't enough anymore
Why even settle?
(Every day is the same, and you never see me like you should)
I wish myself away
Being the one unwanted is too much right now
Why even bother?
(Every breakdown makes me die, and you always see me as I was before)
I can't get away
Being as I am is a safety I can't break
Why even wish?
(Every chance I get, I blow, because I can't get out of my tracks)
I'm so far away
Being in a place I call happiness
Why ever come back?
(Goodbye)

suffocation of reality

the air is too hot, you're burning

whatever you do, you're learning

one thing to change the other

one breath too many, will smother

not good enough to fail

not wise enough to bail

too slow to catch up

too fast to ever stop

too much to take in

too much to feel in your skin

waiting for the break

dreading the coming ache

oh, what a pity

it's suffocation of reality

Kiss In May

The first spark, to ignite
The warmth, the will to fight
The joy, radiating through
The eyes, alive because of you
The air, refreshing and sweet
The way you swept me off my feet
The laughs, the smile that is real
The way you make me feel
The words, you tenderly say
The neverending kiss in May

untitled #7

let the cold embrace you and slow you down

let the thoughts that control you stop spinning you around

let your goals be acheived, with your mission in sight

let your dreams of tomorrow fly through the night

let the memories of times past make you smile

let yourself stop, and think for a while

let someone in and let them know

what's going on in order to let go

hope, want and never give in

let the cold embrace the warmth of your skin

untitled #6

A pain inside...

Punching its way out.

A mouth held closed...

Don't let anything show.

A tear in your eye...

Staining your face.

A turn of the head...

To make it go away.

A will to give in...

A wish to give up.

A fight from within...

Keeps you holding on.

Let go.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Release.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Feel.

Breathe in.

This is life.

Breathe out.

And you're a part of it.

untitled #5

When sleepy eyes see a beautiful world

Why would anyone want to sleep?

When cool breezes of a crisp winter morning makes you shiver with life

Who would want a hot summers day?

When love of anything, anyone sends you flying high

Who would want to hate,

Who would want to sink,

Who would want to give up on love like that?

When sleepy eyes continue to be sleepy

Who steps in to your distorted world?

When cool breezes make the very core of you freeze

Who wouldn't long for a summers day?

When love of anything, anyone goes too far

Who wouldn't want to feel hate

To be grounded
To get back to normal again?

There are two sides to everything

Don't fall

There is failure on both sides.

Untitled#4

You won't get that this is about you
You never will, you never do
I'm hurting with every glance now
You've succeded in breaking me down, take a bow!

Or wait a minute, pause and rewind
Did you really think that I wouldn't mind
Having myself crushed and torn
Slaying the love that had just been born.

I can't stand seeing you anymore
Why can't we go back to the us we were before?
Without the darkness and all this hate
I fell again, you were the bait

Can't you see through me at all
I feel inadequate, I feel so small
I'm shutting down, disconnecting
All of this, because of one thing...

...You.

untitled #3

the past catches up with you
and you remember it like yesterday
yesterday was so long ago
but you still feel it

you can't help it
you can't stop it
whatever you try
you're gonna think about it

remember
the way you were
remember
how it all was
remember
that you're not the same now
and remember
that forgiveness lies in every tear that falls

cry, hurt doesn't make you happy
cry, something's gone and you won't get a second chance
cry, until the tears are gone

because it's ok.

feel, and it will settle.
...be a memory.
...be a part of you.
a forgiven you.

Untitled #2

There's this room..
And there's this girl..
A complete stranger to me..

It's so cold..
I don't even recognize where I am..

There's this look..
In the girls eyes..
I don't know what it means..

So much pain..
I can't even feel anymore..

There's this room..
There's this girl..
There's this hurt..

The room is mine, the girl is me..
The pain is mine, but I don't know what it means..

untitled#1

I can't see what's in your eyes
I don't know if what you say are lies

I don't know if you really care
I'm not sure that you will be there

I won't say it if you don't want to hear
But my heart is aching, I want you near

I don't know if I know how to love
I can just whisper to the stars above

That you're the everything on my mind
And I'd think you were beautiful even if I was blind

Please stop, look at me and see
That you're the one with the only key

To my heart.

cry

you smile when you're breaking down
you laugh when your world is falling apart
you joke when you're hurting the most
lets rewind and now start
over.
cry, I'm here for you.
cry, and I'll cry for you.
die, and I'll go with you.

air

envy, when seeing how you are towards others.
what did I ever do wrong?
all I ever did was love you.
even when you hurt me.
even when it killed me.
even when you couldn't have cared less.
I told you I'll be here.
still, I'm nothing to you.
you treat me like air.
you can't live without it, so start breathing me in.
I'm not going anywhere.